A father who refuses to hear his son's plea.

On my journey to keep you up-to-date on how life is here at our house, I must share how we are constantly facing opposition and more insult to injury. These are the details of this past weekend.

My two boys were with me for the last two weeks of summer before they were to return to their father’s house leading up to the first day of school, which is today. Well, all was going along fine until the last week. My older son, who is beginning his freshman year of high school today, informed me that he did not want to return to his father’s house but instead wanted to stay here with me and attend the high school across the street from our home. We talked about it for a couple of days to go over all the pros and cons of each school (the one at my house vs. the one at his father’s house). He said it wasn’t so much the difference in the schools as it was the difference in the homes. My guess is that the fighting, violence, and the instability of home life at his father’s house have finally taken its toll. My son says he doesn’t even have a relationship with his father anymore and prefers to stay away from him.

Knowing that I had a written agreement with Benton for him to pick the children up on Friday morning, the 22nd of August, I had both boys ready to go and all their things packed at the front door. He arrived and my youngest son said he wanted to stay and live here at my house, but that he wanted to go visit his father for the weekend and come back and start school where I live. I said you can ask your dad but I doubt he will let you. Then I hugged and kissed both boys good-bye and they walked out the front door.

I went to the kitchen to make my breakfast and a few minutes later my oldest son came back in fussing about how his dad is so mean and doesn’t care what he wants. He went back outside and I could hear Benton yelling at him to get in the car but my son just kept telling him, No, I don’t want to go to your house, I want to stay here. Benton yelled that he didn’t care what my son wanted and to get in the car. My son came back in and said I asked dad, “What about what’s best for me?” and I said, “What did he say?”. Benton’s response was, “I don’t care”. Then he went back outside.

The next thing I know there is a knock at the door and when I opened it I was surprised to see a police officer. I stepped out on the porch and answered his questions and they were able to get Benton to agree to leave our son at my house for the weekend. My son told me that his dad told him he was going to call the cops and that they would force him to get in the car and leave with him or else Benton would have our son sent to juvenile hall for refusing to obey him. My son told me that he would rather be there than at his dad’s house. Why can’t Benton see that he has ruined his relationship with his own son and he could lose his heart forever? None of the past 5 ½ years of court battles and custody issues ever needed to occur. All Benton had to do was to be a decent person and to share our children with me, their Mother, amicably. There was no need to rip the children away and to put all of us through so many years of pain and heartache just because he needed to have control. Now his own children don’t even want to be around him.

I told my son that I would have to drop him off at the school near his dad’s house on Monday morning and he would eventually have to go back to his father’s house after school, till they were scheduled to come back to my house a few days later. He didn’t care; he refused to leave with his father. I asked him several times as the day progressed and a few more times over the weekend if he would like for me to drop him off at his dad’s house. He said, “NO”, every time.

Last night, Sunday night, I called my younger son who was with his father 4 times and left 4 messages to call me, one on their house phone, two on my son’s cell phone, and one on Benton’s phone. It was over two hours later at 9:39 PM before I got a call back from my son so tell him good-night and to wish him good luck on his first day of fifth grade. He was exhausted because they had just returned from a trip to the beach in Corpus Christi. So I guess Benton saw that I called him while he was driving but refused to answer or acknowledge my call to have my son call me back before it was almost an hour past his bedtime on a school night.

Benton did not call our oldest son all weekend after the incident on Friday morning. Nor did he call him Sunday night to wish him good luck on his first day of high school. It’s obvious to me that Benton truly doesn’t care, just like he told his son Friday morning. Benton is only nice when things are going his way and when he is getting what he wants. Otherwise, everybody better watch out, because he will lie, cheat, steal, manipulate, and deceive to win whatever it is he wants.

By the way, I’m still curious if Polli is back home with Benton for good or just hanging around to get her things out of her house. You may see her Counter-Petition for their divorce filing attached below. Both Benton and Polli claim that the marriage is “insupportable because of discord and conflict of personalities…that destroys the legitimate ends of the marriage relationship and prevents any reasonable expectation of reconciliation”. Polli also claims that Benton is guilty of cruel treatment towards her and because of that behavior it is impossible to live together. So was Polli lying when she filed the Protective Order for family violence against Benton or was she telling the truth then? Was she lying when she counter-petitioned for the divorce or was she telling the truth? Different days, different filings, multiple events of abuse. If she was telling the truth, what happened that caused her to be safe all of a sudden?

Can’t Polli see that Benton is doing exactly what he has always done... whatever is necessary to get his ducks in a row so that he can leave on his own time and nail her to the wall just like he did to me? Has he just been playing her to get her to not leave him and to drop the protective order charges and from proceding with the divorce? Sounds to me like someone needs to re-evaluate their situation very carefully before another abusive episode takes place. What makes Polli think that this time will be any different than all the other times? Has he really changed just because he tells you it will never happen again? Abusers don’t change without serious help, counseling, and a desire to give up their need for controlling their victims.